Kaitlin Priest is doing important work in analysing her own behaviour, extrapolating out to see where others may be acting as she has, and working to better signal to others her inner state of mind. In her audio series she has done a great job recognising the two sides to the real phenomena of coercion and is addressing the oft ignored role played by the victim in fostering those situations.
As I listened to the recording of Kaitlin flirt and subsequently have sex with Raoul it was a reminder that people give little weight to men’s evolved desire to have sex where possible. It wouldn’t so much take self-restraint as a desire to self harm for a man to actively work against his instincts when a woman is leaving the door open to having sex. Kaitlin’s protestations weren’t just weak, they were almost playful and encouraging. Now, had she said “No, I do not want this” in a serious tone, ended the massage, and then distanced herself, any continued pursuit of sex would be despicable. However, from the audio it seems that she was signalling counter to what she supposedly wanted, and to require that men act as mind readers isn’t just unrealistic, it muddies those scenarios in which an aggressor is ignoring real indicators that he should stop.
Compounding the issue is the average increased agreeability of women and average higher rates of aggression in men. When “correct” behaviour is ill-defined, as in flirtation and physical intimacy, these personality traits can result in the man pushing a little harder, and the woman giving in a little easier. This scales from those incidents wherein neither party are happy with what occurred, all the way to genuine acts of rape and sexual misconduct. Drawing the line is difficult, but to paint with a broad brush across these individual events is a danger to tackling the real issues.